This past Christmas, my brother-in-law gave me what is undoubtedly one of my all-time favorite Christmas gifts: CD-recordings of C. S. Lewis!
For someone whose love for Lewis borders on idolatry, this was an incredible gift. The recording features his broadcast lectures that would later become his famous book, "The Four Loves." Hearing that very British, very professorial, very deep voice of Lewis literally brought tears to my eyes.
I had read "The Four Loves" in college, and learned much from its wisdom, but hearing Lewis actually speak these words...full of his insight, wisdom, and humor...reminded me why I admire him so much.
Lewis distinguishes between four types of love: three common to all humans (Affection, Friendship, and Romantic Love), and one uniquely valued among the Christians (Agape -- he pronounces it A-guh-pee).
Lewis makes a major point in this book: That human love, even the very best expressions of it, WILL in the end become demonic IF it is not surrendered to the Lordship of Christ. Our natural affections for our parents or children, for example, can end up doing more harm than good (eternally speaking) if we do not in some sense kill those natural urges in us and trust Christ to resurrect them into their proper place under His authority. Lewis gives an incredible illustration of this "unconverted affection" in another book, "The Great Divorce." It is a scene in which a woman's maniacal affection for her son was so great that she would rather keep her son with her in hell than submit that affection to God and allow them both to enjoy heaven. (A modern illustration of this would be the wonderful Doris Roberts character on "Everybody Loves Raymond," Marie Barone, who, though motivated by love for her sons, actually smothered them and turned them into faithful drones rather than confident, mature men.)
This may sound entirely theological with no practical relevance, but I think it's a very important thing for people to be aware of, especially pastors.
How often do we do things, motivated by what we believe are the highest feelings of love, friendship, or affection for someone else, but in which the actions themselves are antithetical to our commitment to Christ?
How often do I, out of "love" for a person, fail to rebuke them for some egregious error (or worse, outright sin) that they are committing and of which they are failing to repent?
How often do we, out of "compassion," fail to take a stand on the clear moral teachings of Scripture?
How often do we, out of love for our churches and denominations, try to stay positive and keep everyone happy, rather than speaking prophetically and addressing doctrinal laxity, ethical confusion, and declining membership?
We may be motivated by the noblest of loves, but in the end, if not submitted to the Lordship and Truth of Jesus Christ, isn't that love nothing more than a tool of Satan?
4 comments:
Very thoughtful questions and post.
And, I have to applaud any theological discussion that works Marie Barone into the text. Bravo.
Jeff--
When I was on staff at Christ UMC in Bethel Park, I used to facilitate a divorce recovery workshop as part of that church's singles ministry. It was a 12-week workshop that I would lead twice a year.
As a married man who has never experienced divorce, I found myself in strange but sacred territory in those workshops. It was an experience that forced me to confront some of my personally held stereotypes concerning divorced people--stereotypes that I never even knew I maintained. It was a season of great growth and learning for me.
One of the things that became clear to me during that time was that many divorced people are particularly vulnerable to the temptation to jump into another relationship very quickly in an effort to assuage the pain of their deeply wounded self-esteem. As you might imagine, many of these "rebound" relationships were disastrous, leading to all kinds of distorted understandings of love and its nature.
Eventually, I came to this conclusion--one that I would share with the workshop participants frequently: The only time that we are emotionally ready for marriage or any long-term love relationship is when we have come to the conclusion that, if it came to it, we would be perfectly content being alone. Because only then will we be liberated from the tendency to become idolatrous about the love relationship and the tendency to place more weight on the person we are loving than he or she can bear. Only then will we be able to resist the temptation to "use" love as a means to an end.
I really like the film JERRY MAGUIRE, and I am a romantic at heart. But Jerry's "you complete me" philosophy of love is dangerous. No other human soul will ever complete us or heal us. Our only recourse is to find completion in Christ. Then, in our love relationship with another person, we will be able to offer a healthy and already-completed person to another healthy and already-completed person.
Your post reminded me of all of this. Thanks for that. Even something as good and romantic as love can become demonic when practiced by people who are not willing to subordinate that love to the authority of Christ's Lordship. In a world that champions romance and lust at all costs, that is an important truth to hear.
John -
Yeah, you gotta love Marie Barone. "Hello, dear..."
Eric -
Wow, what a testimony. You're absolutely right (especially about "You complete me." I much prefer the "Show me da money" line).
Seriously, though, I agree that what people perceive as love is often a codependence that misguidedly is trying to find fulfillment in something other than Christ. In the teens that I work with, it's a pretty normal reality, because let's face it, they have a pretty hard time keeping up with their hormones. But my fear is that a growing number of adults today are maintaining the same attitude toward love. Modern life in general has reduced love to emotion, experience, or cheap sentimentality, devoid of any concern for right judgment or truthfulness. In that atmosphere, we are definitely giving Satan an open door.
I definitely agree with your advice to the divorced people. I myself married late (age 33), and I was at a point where I was perfectly content being single but for some reason could get this wonderful woman named Cherith out of my head. At times I was frustrated that God was waiting so long to lead me into a long-term relationship, but in retrospect, I wouldn't have had it happen any other way.
Wow...powerful ponderance. Thanks dude!
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