The Life of the Beloved

I just finished counseling one of my youth who is seriously praying about possibly going into some aspect of ministry...specifically either youth ministry or mission work. I definitely sense a potential call in her life, and I have known about her interest in ministry for about a year. Still, in preparing to talk with her today, I went through some old books that have been crucial for me over the years as I have discerned God's call on my life.

One of those books is Henri Nouwen's Life of the Beloved. In it, he compares the call of the Christian to the communion bread in Christ's hands. In the words of the Catholic liturgy, Christ took the bread, blessed it, broke it, and gave it to the disciples. The book has challenged me to ponder how Christ has taken hold of me, blessed me, broken me, and then given me to the world.

Took: When were you totally grasped by the grace and love of Jesus Christ? For me, it was back in 1990, when I attended a youth meeting with some friends. I had been a church attendee my whole life, and my parents were and are faithful believers. But that night I heard a talk about the meaning of the Cross, and a challenge to give my all for Christ just as Christ gave His all for me. Up to that point, Jesus Christ was a historical figure I learned about in church--that night He became a Person Who was longing to be Lord of my life.

Blessed: How has God blessed your life? Specifically, with what talents and gifts has God blessed you that He might use? Unfortunately, I don't ponder the many blessings of God as often as I should, but I am so overwhelmed by His goodness. He has healed me of some very traumatic childhood wounds; He entrusted my care and nurture to wonderful parents; He provided a great education for me so that I could become as effective as possible in doing His work; and perhaps most significantly, He led me to an incredible godly woman who is a constant source of love and support for me. On top of that, He has given me gifts of teaching, counseling, writing, and music, and I am in a ministry that allows me to use all of those gifts for His glory.

Broken: How has God broken you of your pride and selfishness, and how has He broken your heart to the needs of others? One of my greatest experiences of brokenness happened right after I finished my Masters' degree: I was in an automobile accident that left me in a wheelchair for nine months. During that time, all of my plans for the future had to be thrown out the window as I had to accept a temporary helplessness. God used that time period to allow me to address some issues with my family that had been festering over the years; He taught me how it feels to be on the receiving end of ministry; and He reminded me that my plans are never the last word. At the time I was miserable, but in retrospect, it was one of the most spiritually forming periods of my life.

Given: How does God intend to give you to the world? What specific blessings is He telling you to share with others? When I initially sensed God calling me to seminary, I believed that it was either for the purpose of future graduate work leading to a teaching career...or to do youth and associate work in the church. I've been doing the latter for the past twelve years and God has graciously enabled me to see some of the fruit He has reaped through my efforts. In all these years, I always stubbornly refused to believe that He was calling me to be ordained, even though I was hearing it from professors, friends, and even my parents. For the past year I have been slowly realizing that, once again, my plans should not be the last word on the matter, and I've been noticing a slow softening of my heart. After some serious prayer and dialogue with some very trusted friends and mentors, I am convinced that God has indeed led me to make the decision to seek ordination. I believe that through that process, God can continue to use me in more effective ways for His Kingdom through the church.

So anyway, those are my answers to Nouwen's challenge. I hope they'll challenge you to ponder how you've been taken, blessed, broken, and given by Christ for His ministry in the world.