Serenity, Courage, and Wisdom

"God grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."

It has been over seventy years since that prayer was first penned by Neo-Orthodox theologian/ethicist Reinhold Niebuhr. Since then it has been adopted as the official prayer of Alcoholics Anonymous and is respected by individuals of different religious backgrounds...indeed, even by those of no religious background. The atheist philosopher Ayn Rand praised it as being "profoundly true, as a summary and a guideline: it names the mental attitude which a rational man must seek to achieve" (Philosophy: Who Needs It. New York: Penguin, 1984, p. 23).

Personally, this prayer ranks as #3 on my list of favorites, right behind The Lord's Prayer and The Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi. However, like all prayers (including the two aforementioned), The Serenity Prayer can take on the quality of a rote, formulaic mantra devoid of any personal meaning when uttered inattentively or without full understanding of its substance. Here is my humble attempt to shed light on the deep philosophical and theological meaning of the three separate statements in this prayer:

Serenity to accept the things we can not change. This seemingly simple statement involves the deepest issues of philosophy (specifically, the fundamental branch of metaphysics). For at its root is the acknowledgment that reality is what it is, that facts are what they are, independent of our own wishes or feelings. So much of the misery in human life comes from our psychological, emotional, or willful evasion of the plain facts of life, such as:

• God is quite willing to allow a great deal of suffering to take place out of respect for our own free will
  
• Human beings were made to be creative and productive, not to coast through life doing "as little as possible"
  
• Actions (and inactions) have consequences whether we like it or not


• No one else, and nothing else, can make us happy; we must choose happiness for ourselves and take responsibility to do those things which will make us truly happy


• We cannot force anyone to see things our way or to believe anything they don't want to believe

These are fairly commonsensical notions, yet people consistently contradict them in their daily lives when they question God and His will every time tragedy besets them, or when they make irresponsible decisions regularly and then wonder why "life" treats them so unfairly. This prayer challenges us to examine and confess every negative attitude we hold, discerning whether that attitude is a legitimate gripe or merely a spineless unwillingness to deal with hard truth.

Courage to change the things we can. If the first statement addresses the metaphysical issues of life (God and reality), then this statement addresses life's moral issues (personal responsibility). While there are certain fundamental facts about life in general that we can not change, God has granted each individual the freedom of choice concerning his or her own life for which each individual is personally responsible. In making these daily choices, most individuals resort to their "whims" or "feelings" as guides for what they will do, or they default to habits which may or may not be good ones. Then, when the undesired consequences of these choices are made manifest, rather than confess their responsibility, those same individuals assert that it was a situation "beyond my control," or they blame their bad choice on their upbringing or their brain chemistry, or they want the government to save them from the consequences, or - my favorite cop-out - acquiescently asserting that "shit happens."

It takes real moral courage to move beyond this victim mentality, to look at every moral situation we encounter, and then to face squarely the following questions:

1. Which aspects of this situation are directly within my power to choose and change, and which are not?


2. Based on my God-given reasoning ability (and the advice of others when available), what are the logical consequences of each option I have to choose, and am I personally willing to bear responsibility for those consequences?


3. Which option and which consequences seem most consistent with the teachings of Scripture?

This is truly the only way to effect significant "change" in our lives.

Wisdom to know the difference. This final statement addresses the practical issues of judgment and discernment. In many situations, knowing the difference between what we can and cannot change is merely a matter of common sense. But ultimately, wisdom in any situation comes to us when the chief emotion of our hearts is reverence (fear) of God. In other words, our ultimate focus should not be on the problem we face, but on the One who provides us with ultimate meaning and hope for our lives. Put another way, we should interpret the specifics of life through the lens of the general purpose of life, not the other way around. To give two specific examples:

• At this moment a major source of worry in my life are two individuals for whom I care a great deal, but who have been making a lot of unwise choices that are bringing upon them an immense amount of pain and depression. My worries impel me to rush head on to "save" them, to fix the situation and literally preach at them to make them see the folly of their ways. I confess that I have lost sleep over both of these dear people. Yet as I step back and allow wisdom to have her way, I see that both situations are things that I can not change and must accept with serenity. Both individuals are free agents who are responsible for their own lives and their own happiness: I can bring them to the throne of grace in my prayers, asking the Holy Spirit to work in their hearts. But I must let go of my worries, or my thoughts that I can do more than I actually can.
• Historically, I have not been very good at processing my own anger. I often allow it to become bottled up inside of me, and then it comes out all at once when one little thing sets me off. In the past, I have been good at blaming that one little thing for my outbursts. But as I have matured in wisdom, I have come to realize that this is an area of my life over which I alone am responsible. While I certainly need to rely on the graceful, sanctifying power of God, I acknowledge that this is an area in which I needed to make a change...I needed to process my negative emotions in a more godly way.

In a nutshell, my challenge to all of us is to pray the Serenity Prayer, but let us not pray it in the manner of a pious platitude. Let us pray it, rather, fully understanding the nature of the serenity, courage, and wisdom that we are asking God to grant us.