Waves

Yesterday I reconnected with a friend I hadn't seen in over 10 years.

He and I attended both college and seminary at the same time. We didn't exactly mingle with the same crowd, but we had a common interest in music and a desire to follow Christ. (At the time, we both were much better at the first than the second!). After seminary, he gave me the great honor of playing piano at his wedding.

For part of the day we went swimming in Lake Michigan. The weather here has been somewhat inconstant of late, and so yesterday we were able to enjoy an adventurous swim in incredibly choppy waters with waves eight feet tall (and taller) and a strong current that moved us as rapidly as a free-flowing river. At a public beach, they probably would not have allowed anyone to venture into such waters, but this was a private, swim-at-your-own-risk beach, so we went for it. Had my worrisome wife witnessed this behavior from her 36-year-old, out-of-shape, asthmatic husband, she probably would not have approved. (Sorry, honey).

We felt utterly ebullient as we enjoyed mother nature's aggressive side...yet my friend and I also delved into deep spiritual conversation. (Yes, even while treading water between the crashing waves). We talked about some doubts and struggles of ministry, we reminisced about the many immature decisions we made as college students, and in general we shared an authenticity that I find only infrequently among fellow Christ-followers, both clergy and laypeople.

I had hoped that my day's retreat with my friend would bring some fresh word from God to reinvigorate my ministry. God did not disappoint. He spoke to me in the waves. Just like my heroes, the Celtic Christians, who often boasted of their ability to see "glory in the grey," I am thankful to God for letting me see deeper meaning -- His meaning -- in that time of swimming.

The Celtic saints also believed that it is in the wildness, unpredictability, and ambiguity of life that the life of God is most intensely felt. Immersed in those waves, God challenged me to live my life with more boldness and authenticity than I have to this point. Too often I have allowed fear and cynicism to define how to relate to the world, other people, and even myself. I am uncomfortable with mystery and mess. I do not assert myself the way I should for fear of rejection and failure.

Do I trust God enough to be at peace in the waves of life...to fully immerse myself, even without full understanding? Can I let go of the destructive belief that everything in life must conform to my neat, rational categories?

Driving home last night, processing all that had transpired, God clearly spoke to me that I am missing out on much of what He has in store for me because I have been afraid to simply venture into, and enjoy, the waves of life. I see with abundant clarity some changes that I need to make in my own life, so that I can be more at peace with myself and more effective at sharing Jesus with others.

Lately, I have been asking a lot of questions of God. In true divine fashion, He responded, not by revealing answers, but by revealing Himself. And I'm pretty sure I'm satisfied.

Thanks, God, for a true experience of καιρος.

And thanks Charly and Christina, for a great afternoon of fellowship, music, and waves!