Christians certainly ought to disagree with that sentiment, for we follow One who summarized the Law in His greatest commandment to "love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself." Surely going outside of oneself to love God and others is the greatest love of all!
Still, by including those last two words, "as yourself," Jesus does not deny us the right to a healthy self-love. He only denies us a total preoccupation with ourselves to the extent that all interaction with God and others is calculated to our own self-interest. We must love God and others, not use or manipulate them.
Some believe that human beings are naturally selfish...that we come into this world hard-wired to seek our own interests. This may or may not be true, but to be selfish is not the same thing as to love one's self. Here I agree with Whitney: proper love of self is something that one must learn.
In my last post, I delineated three attributes that characterize the love of God as presented in the Bible: specific, tangible acts; merciful understanding; and a willingness to reconcile. I further argued that if we claim to love as God loves, then our interactions with others should also be characterized by such attributes. So today I want to ponder the question: What does Godly self-love look like?
Specific, Tangible Acts
To love myself properly, I must do concrete things that benefit my life. And by "benefit," I do not mean that I should gratify my immediate urges, but that I should do what is in my long-term best interest. Here are some concrete acts that I believe every person ought to do to love themselves:
Still, by including those last two words, "as yourself," Jesus does not deny us the right to a healthy self-love. He only denies us a total preoccupation with ourselves to the extent that all interaction with God and others is calculated to our own self-interest. We must love God and others, not use or manipulate them.
Some believe that human beings are naturally selfish...that we come into this world hard-wired to seek our own interests. This may or may not be true, but to be selfish is not the same thing as to love one's self. Here I agree with Whitney: proper love of self is something that one must learn.
In my last post, I delineated three attributes that characterize the love of God as presented in the Bible: specific, tangible acts; merciful understanding; and a willingness to reconcile. I further argued that if we claim to love as God loves, then our interactions with others should also be characterized by such attributes. So today I want to ponder the question: What does Godly self-love look like?
Specific, Tangible Acts
To love myself properly, I must do concrete things that benefit my life. And by "benefit," I do not mean that I should gratify my immediate urges, but that I should do what is in my long-term best interest. Here are some concrete acts that I believe every person ought to do to love themselves:
- Physical self-care: eating healthy foods, exercise at least a couple times a week, getting eight hours of sleep a night. Scripture tells us that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19). We ought to start treating them like that!
- Mental/emotional self-care: be intentional about creating space for silence, but also for play. Give yourself permission to take care of your own inner life, and also to do things that bring you joy. This is personal Sabbath, and it is essential for our own well-being.
Merciful Understanding
There are two equal and opposite errors that we often make in relating to ourselves. The first is to fail to look honestly at our own failures, weaknesses, and sins...to rationalize our own behavior even when it is destructive. The second error is to be so self-critical that any fault, mistake, or sin--even small ones--evoke shame and self-doubt that paralyze us.
Godly self-love requires that we candidly confront and accept responsibility for our own misdeeds. We must face the reality of all our choices and actions, because in doing so we actually affirm our worth and dignity as responsible persons. Not to take responsibility is actually to diminish our personhood.
But even more, as sinners saved by grace, we can let go of the destructive tendency to berate ourselves with undue shame and guilt. The Gospel tells us that Jesus understands our fallen nature (Hebrews 4:15), and since He gives us merciful understanding, we ought to give ourselves merciful understanding as well. To do less is to cheapen His grace.
Willingness to Reconcile
Love involves more than just understanding...it involves reconciliation. God did not just understand our fallen nature...He reconciled that fallen nature to Himself in the Cross and Resurrection of Jesus Christ. True self-love, then, involves reconciling ourselves to ourselves. What does that mean?
Much of our sin, our brokenness, is rooted in deep hurt and dysfunction from our past. Sin is much more than just our own action: it is a deeply entrenched system of evil that has existed since the Fall. No relationship, no family, no community has escaped its influence.
It is a harrowing experience, but true self-love involves an honest confrontation with the brokenness in our past: a discerning look at how the false stories of our past tend to mar the story that God intends us to know about ourselves. Often this involves facing personal experiences of abuse, abandonment, loss, or injustice.
These are not just "in the past." All these experiences...and the lies and distortions of reality that result...will continue to influence our present and our future.. Godly self-love demands that we reconcile ourselves by seeking healing and restoration that can only come from God.
Loving yourself is not "the greatest love of all," but it is a love that we must learn to practice so that we can live with integrity and joy as we seek to love God and our neighbors.
